Wait for HIS answers; Relax in HIS presence

When we are in desperate need of confirmation that God is here and with us, why is it that even when we ask, he doesn't just speak to us loud and clear, giving us the unshakeable doubt that he is right there next to us? Because he could if he wanted to. He is GOD; he can do whatever he wants. A wise friend (who I've actually never met in person) told me in response to this question that maybe I need to shake off my ideas of how I think God SHOULD be talking to me, and open myself up to the idea that he may be speaking to me all the time, but in ways that I am not recognizing because I'm expecting it to come to me on my terms. So I'm trying to listen, to pay attention, to things going on around me, to the words and actions of others, and to see if I can't glean a little God out of them.

And he has. A few nights ago Grace was having trouble sleeping (which is a VERY rare occasion), and so we put her in our bed to see if she could fall asleep. She was just jabbering away, like she had drank 5 cups of coffee right before bed. I rolled over to try to disengage from her so that she could fall asleep, and was praying for God to reach out to me, to give me a sign, to send a message, anything to let me know he was there. At that moment, I felt a little hand rubbing my arm, and a sweet little voice saying "Hi! Hi! Hi! (repeated about 15 times)". I have no doubt that God worked through Grace to give me the reassurance I asked for.

And then at the retreat, we were told on several occasions that God had something big for us this weekend. I was petrified. Petrified that I would leave there feeling exactly as I did when I arrived, and that I would feel further ignored, and no closer to God than when I arrived. When we got back to our rooms after that first night, there was a little card on my door. Let me preface this by saying that I didn't know a SOUL there, nobody knew why I was there, what I was wrestling with, etc. The card said "Wait for HIS answers; Relax in HIS presence." Wow. Could that not have been a more direct communication from God? It turns out that the woman that sent it was in the room next to me. She is from Baton Rouge, and we had met right when I arrived, and spoken for only a few minutes before the retreat went silent (oh yeah, did I mention that this was a silent retreat, and I didn't know that until I arrived? And if you know me, silent is not my thing).

So I will keep listening, watching, and waiting, while trying to RELAX!